Monday, March 22, 2010

A Mothers Advice

I haven't done a Mothering post for so long and thought I would share this one I have had tucked away for a while.

I didn't write it but the sentiments are so in line with my own that I really relate to it.
I hope you enjoy reading it.

LOVE.....

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."

"We're taking a survey," she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations...."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.

I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.

That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood.

She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell.

She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years-not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.

I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time.

I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.

"You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
This blessed gift from God.
. . . that of being a Mother.

Author Unknown
Blessings,

6 comments:

Leanne said...

Gae, that is so beautifully put.
I smiled & cried all the way through your post. Hugs,
leanne.

Anonymous said...

What a Wonderful Mother you are, and how blessed your Daughter is.

Very pretty. Thank for for sharing, and Prayers for (maybe) a New GrandBaby.

Anonymous said...

So beautifully said, Gae. I smiled and shook my head yes all the way through.
Blessings,
Anne

Cinnamon said...

Gae~ What a beautiful post! You are so right, so many things do change when you become a mother. Somehow all the "things" that were important are no longer, after you first hear baby's heartbeat or feel them move. Especially so when your sweet baby is in your arms :-)

I have been out of town and just read your sweet email. Thank you Gae! You are so sweet to take the time to encourage me and I took it all in the spirit of friendship & christian love~ Thank you.

I do hope to write you back in a couple weeks. I'm off to see my Grand-dumpling tomorrow and will be gone for a week. I just had to write you a quick note and say thank you so much!

Hugs~ Cinnamon

Jodi said...

Gae,
With tears in my eyes, I write to say thank you for inspiring me this morning!
I would love to get to know you better!
Thank you for your kind words on my blog!
God Bless you, your husband, and your beautiful children and God Speed the sale of your home!
~Jodi

Erin said...

I've read that before and it just so true...motherhood is like describing labor to a young woman who has never given birth...you just can't.

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