Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Sands of Time....

The last couple of weeks have been a huge reflection time for me as we prepared to have Kynan leave home and study interstate.

In the preparation to leave it was fairly busy and my own thoughts were on organising all we could for him and to make his transition easy to his new adventure.

However on the day before and last Saturday when he actually left I was left with a very big emotional problem. It was really, really hard to say good bye. In fact I have put off writing this because when I think about the type of things I was upset about and what it made me think of it just makes me cry all over again.....as again I am trying now not to do!

All through the final days I was thinking of the relationship that he and I have. One that I believe is a special one forged over the years, from the time of his childhood to the relationship we have now. Obviously it is different from when Kynan was a little boy, s it should be, as he is a young man with opinions and ideas of his own. But I believe that we have shared many wonderful memories together.

If I didn't have that to think about I think it would be quite traumatic. The most teary episodes before Kynan left was the remembering of the special  bonds that we share. Things that I wouldn't normally think about, things that are so ordinary in the scheme of things, the little shared moments that make up the bulk of our lives.

An example being, I could always rely on Kynan to keep me company late at night, (when all others including my dear husband had gone to bed) when I would be busy planning things or finishing up chores. We could watch late night movies while I worked on one project or other. This was a situation that was never planned and actually developed while Stephen was working away interstate for over 4 years. While this was an unplanned way of things of the future, we would often stay up talking and planning many things.

In a home with many and varied personalities it is probably not surprising that you find that some of the children will be like a parent. Having some or a lot of good and bad characteristics. Kynan and I share some of these together and probably this also was a factor in our fairly close relationship. We both are almost 100% of the time optimistic, we are both lovers of the land and the desire to  own and cultivate land is strong in both of us. I know looking positive and working out how we can get something done  is a trait we both share. Getting on and getting the job done even if it is unpleasant was something we could always plan  together.

Now as I was reminiscing over all the fun times and the working through difficult situations that Kynan has been involved in with not just me but his father and siblings as well, I started to think: Have I developed this relationship with all our children? Will I have the same heart wrenching feelings when each of them leave home?

I know that some times our lives are so busy now, it is different having a mixture of different age children, from a almost due baby to a 21 year old. The things we used to do with a smaller family and different circumstances are different....there is no denying that.

But are the basic principles and goals we have for the children still at home still as important or right for our family now?
My resounding answer is YES!!
Is the way we implement them the same?
Sadly my answer to this one is .....not all the time.

Sometimes I forget that our little ones, really to whom I am thinking about, do get lost in the shuffle of supposedly more important 'older children stuff.' The theory of 'trickle down' teaching cannot be relied upon to build relationships that will stand the test of time and outside influences, and frankly I need to work on this some more  with our smaller ones.

I do need to spend more of the savouring moments with them. I need to stop more and enjoy the snuggles and cuddles, the going to look at the new flowers peeping up rather than finishing up the chore or sometimes less important planning activities.

The smaller ones may seem to outward appearances more demanding but in my experiences over the last few years the older children and the issues and the time demanding aspects of these relationships really does demand a lot more of parents. Our little ones with their small and consistent questions or 'come and see' or read me a story, does pale significantly with the emotional and time commitment that older children need.

So over the next few weeks and months I know I need to focus more on these precious little people that share our home and our hearts. I aim to really look forward into the future and know as these future older children leave to pursue their own interests that I have done all I am capable of in sharing our love, our values and the hope for their future with them, and that through this our relationship will be as strong as it can possibly be.

So I will be enjoying each and every moment with our precious little blessings!! How blessed I am to be able to do that and I pray that I never take this or them for granted.

Blessings to you and your homes,


Anonymous said...

Enjoying those precious moments with the little ones...Remember also, that they are really enjoying themselves through what is going on around them.

They are like sponges and have learned so much from watching their older ones every day.

So yes, it is necessary to take time to dedicate to them.

It must be very hard to let go of your older one. But remember dear Gae, that you and your husband have taught him well. He is now walking on the path set before him by Our Lord and Father, so worrying or fretting is really not good for you.

He is now being taken care of by Him that loves him so much.

What a blessing that you are surrounded by many more blessings...and how they look up to you now.

Praying for you and sending you warm hugs, from one mother to another!


Trish said...

Hello kindred spirit,
This morning I sent a letter off to my eldest son who I miss very much and sat down to read this beautiful post of yours, and yes - I'm in tears!
Dear friend, I suspect your heart will turn to liquid every time one of your babies leaves home.
A sweet suffering that all loving mothers are bound to endure.
My Andy has been gone nearly seven years now and will turn 29 this May and is a mature young man. But in my heart, he's still my beloved little boy to me :-)
He's used to his mother writing soppy things-he knows how weak she is when talking of her sons!
Don't worry, your 'littles' will not slip by you Gae-your love for them is too fierce to allow it!
God bless and comfort you and bring you joy as you adjust to Kynan's exciting new life, and yours!
God's grace..Trish

Kendra said...

Your Mamma heart must be so heavy and happy all at the same time! I know when we moved here it took a few chats on the phone before Mom could talk without breaking down, but it got easier for her..

Anonymous said...

I worry about the same thing with my littles.

I know my heart will just break when they leave home.

Jessica Gordon said...

I can't even imagine how hard it is going to be when my children start leaving home. What a blessing that you have had all your children home for so long. I was 18 when I moved out of my parents home and my youngest brother was born at that time. It is so interesting when we are all together and talk about our childhood... The memories us older children have are so completely different than the childhood memories of the younger children, it sometimes seems as if my parents raised two different families - with the middle children belonging to both! lol! My childhood memories are filled with lots of my Aunts and Uncles, where as my younger siblings ARE the Aunts and Uncles. lol! Big families are so wonderful, aren't they?! Yes, it may be hard to give they younger children the same time and focus that the older children had, but how wonderful is it that they have ALL those older siblings that love and care for them too. You couldn't give them a better gift. Enjoy every moment with your family and I will say a prayer for you, as I am sure you miss your son dearly. {{{Hugs}}}


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