Monday, July 18, 2011

Stop That........You'll Spoil the Baby!

Stop That ...You'll spoil the Baby~

Have you ever had anyone say this to you?

I have on numerous occasions and only yesterday, Saturday, when Stephen and I were out shopping with Trahaearn.

Now the interesting thing about this was we had just gone into the local baby shop to have a look at some Baby Wearing apparel. I still am looking for the best option to buy to carry our dumpling around in. I thought rather than continue to look on line I would see what the local shop had and perhaps even get to try them on to assess what I liked. Yes, I am slow. I should have tried this before, but having tried to get things like this locally before I was not anticipating much success in getting what I needed.

However, into the shop we went with Stephen carrying little Trahaearn all snuggled up in his bunny rug. We had carried him for a quite some time (Stephen mostly) and he was asleep and most content. Trahaearn really is much more contented when being held rather than put down to sleep or left alone in his cradle or rocker?

Now we asked if we could see some of the baby carriers they had in stock. As we were just looking and chatting with the sales woman I said  that Trahaearn loved to be held and did not like to be put down but preferred to be carried and I wanted something I could carry him in and still be hands free.

She said that 'oh you have made a mistake and spoiled him'.....blah, blah blah 'that she had 8 years difference between her 2 children and the younger one now 4 was spoiled because they carried her as a baby.'
This being her response when we said we were not using the Snuggli we bought nearly 22 years ago for our son. Obviously she thought that Trahaearn was the only child after Kynan. We were slightly amused at this and then enlightened her to the fact that the baby we were carrying was in fact number 12.

We did try on the baby carriers and I was so glad I did as the one I had been  in favour of buying I found  was really not going to work for us. What it did confirm was that a wrap around carrier is what Trahaearn preferred himself as he stayed asleep and settled when I put him in the wrap. BUT when I put him in the traditional strap-on ones he immediately woke up and protested. I could actually feel his discomfort and pain from being placed into this restrictive space and not snuggled in to the wrap style.

So we will be ordering online as it is cheaper this  way, rahter than from the shop, this Australian wrap- Hug a Bub. Which to my eye looks the same as the Moby Wrap and Sleepy Wrap.

Enough of that now~
What I was distressed by during this conversation at the BABY shop was the fact that a baby should not be held and cuddled because this, wait for it---- spoils the baby.

How can this still be a thought in peoples minds?
A baby IS LOVE and dependence in it's purest form.
A baby gets all it's impressions through the eyes of those who care and tend for him.
A baby is a gift to love and cherish at all times.

When a baby cries he does so for a reason- hunger, needing a nappy change or comfort emotionally. We all need emotional comfort, so why wouldn't a baby?
So why would we not pick up a baby when it cries?

Of course this does not always fit in with my schedule and of course this is worse if you have a high needs baby, which I believe we have had more than our fair share of.
But once again a baby is a blessing ALWAYS and we put the baby first- SACRIFICIAL LOVE. Hence the desire for a baby carrier so I can give the baby the love and attention it needs as I tend to our other children and our home.

I think children are a great reminder of this in their immediate response to the cries of a baby. Each time a baby in our home has made the tiniest little cry the other children in the family want to tend to the baby. Never once has anyone said 'leave the baby, it will be ok'

Children often see what we as adults have forgotten to look for, the needs of those smaller and more helpless than we are. They see what we don't: that a baby who is wholly dependent upon us for all they have should not have to wait for our adult agenda to fit him in.

A baby can not be spoiled by too much love and attention!
Except for our Kynan (whom I cuddled to sleep) I have rocked all our babies to sleep in the rocking chair we bought just before Braedon was born.

Does this take more time? Sure it does! Is it worth it? You bet it is!

But what else should I have been doing if not caring and loving those sweet little blessings. And guess what they actually do grow up. I am not still rocking them to sleep, but the love and bonding that took place way back when they were babies I think was well worth the desire I had to pick them up and love them.

There is so much research I was going to share about the way babies can not be spoilt by carrying, and picking up when cried or cuddled a lot, but I won't. Perhaps at a later date!

What I will share is the loving testimony of a mother of 12 precious children who has had the privilege of caring for each baby by rocking, carrying and loving each special baby.
I can say quite honestly that I believe that not one of these children or young adults has been SPOILT by the lavishing of care and affection on them or of TOO MUCH LOVE!

I do believe that if we follow our 'mother hearts'  in the care of our children that  we will know the right and most caring way to respond to the blessings we have been given!

~ A mothers heart is a touch of God's love ~

Blessings to you and your homes,


Unknown said...

I agree so much!! you can not spoil a baby, or a toddler or a child with too much love! spoiling comes from toys, and getting what they want and never hearing the word no when they need to. But love is something that should be limitless to each member of the family! And before too long they will not want to be rocked to sleep, so enjoy it while it is there! I am happy to say I rocked all by babies until they did not want to, and nursed them until toddlerhood, another thing people said to me would spoil my child, pure craziness(said with a smile) :)

Harmony said...

YES! A baby can not be spoiled by too much love and attention. With my first baby I was mislead by the same 'expert advice'of spoiling a baby (despite the protests of my own nurturing mother). I think I read far too many parenting books written by childless Since then my God given maternal instincts have lead me to realize the falsehood in this type of thinking-praise God! Thankfully I have been blessed with more little ones to 'spoil' with love since then. Thanks for another great post my Gae;)

Stephanie said...

Thank you Gae for posting this blog! I often have older relatives that will say that "spoil" saying whenever there is a visit and we pick up the baby. It drives me crazy, especially since the noise of all my children seems to drive them crazy as well! (Do they really want me to let the baby "cry it out?" Somehow I don't think so.)

I have had to remind myself this week that our almost two year old still needs to be cuddled to sleep as well as the baby as she seems to now be getting jealous of the newborn. It's nice to feel this spiritual blessing from God through you reminding me that eventually they will all grow up and the house will be clean, but I can't get the "cuddle time" back!

God's blessings to you and your family,


Unknown said...

So true Gae, I don't believe a baby can be spoiled by love and attention, but they learn love and trust in your arms!

Vicky said...

I agree with you whole-heartedly! My 19 month old takes his afternoon nap on my lap (it is time-consuming but I read to the others or myself, during this time, and it is the highlight of our days). He also sleeps in our bed and on my lap, in the evenings. Like your babies, ours have not been without human contact in their early months - I worried that it would be scary for them to wake up alone. And I don't see it as spoiling them. I just want to love them and savour the time that they are small, and they seem to want and need that, too.

This is a beautiful post, Gae:)

Anonymous said...

Amen, Gae! I went through two rocking chairs raising my 7 children. What a precious time, rocking my little ones to sleep, and a little relaxing time for mom too. If loving my children is called spoiling them, then I spoiled them all!
Blessings to you,

ccc said...

Oh, I agree wholeheartedly! All my 11 children have been nursed/ cuddled to sleep. I have worn them all in baby slings and usually they took their naps in the slings also. And, like your children, mine always became distressed when a baby/toddler cried or needed mom--they instinctively know what most adults don't! And, it's so true that they grow up, and that time nurturing them was time well spent--I do not regret it one bit!
And, you could have found all the research that shows that this is true, but you know from experience and from the bond that you now share with your older ones because of the love.

Gentle Heart Homestead said...

It's sad that you encountered this in a place where you might expect a little more compassion for the baby.
I wonder if she also thinks poor mothers in 3rd world countries, like India and Africa, spoil their children by 'wearing' them!
Never mind Gae..
You know what is best for your child and what works for your family dynamics.
Keeping them close while small is a wonderful way to give them security.
Enjoy every precious moment!

Storybook Woods said...

Well first as a wonderful mother of 12, you should know!! And second, that time goes sooo fast, I agree with you. Well said xoxo Clarice

Anonymous said...

I have heard people use that term "spoiling the baby." It doesn't make much sense to me, as babies need to be loved and cared for as much as possible by their mothers so that a natural and loving bond can form between them.

Also, babies are very dependent on their mother's to care for them, so it is very natural for a mother who loves her baby to "dote" on him or her.

At any rate Gae, I'm sorry that this sales person upset you with her comment. Don't let it bother you, for you are a wonderful mother who cares dearly for all your children. :)

suzy said...

I find it so sad that people could make such comments about a tiny little baby.
It seems to make the most sense to me to keep them close when they are so small and give them all they need to be comfortable.
I have a moby wrap which is wonderfully comfortable. But in hot weather or for nursing I use my Baba sling which is quicker to put on when we are out, easier to nurse with and not so warm in the heat.
Hope you find the perfect one for you and you darling little one.


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