Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Love is a beautiful thing..

Yesterday in many ways was a day filled with disappointments but also the chance to change the way the day could have gone. It was a day when I questioned my mothering ability and my lack of understanding and compassion for our sweet children that are in need of love and care.

I find that our circumstances over the last few months have allowed the little children to get int o the habit of not wanting to do their assigsned seat work that I require of them as I teach them their Alphabet Path. They are happy to do the crafts and other interesting activities but the learning part is not as exciting.
As part of my dedication this year to really have some progress for both girls and especially for Moran, I devised a plan to do most of the actual seat work for the letters on Monday each week.

Of course I KNOW really that it takes time for new habits to establish and I really DO KNOW that I have to allow the time for this to happen. But in the reality of the day I did not allow for this to happen yesterday. I also know that poor little Moran will reach a point of 'overload' and that this will lead to a huge 'meltdown', but I was so intent on sticking to the schedule of what we HAD to do on Monday that I did not allow for my sweet little ones ACTUAL emotions and feelings.

Well by the time Myffwyn had complained about how much she 'hates school work' and just did as little as possible. Moran had hurried through her assigned pages and not done them to her best ability. Well I  was disappointed with Moran's colouring pages as she really does enjoy this activity a lot and always wants more colouring to do. So I told her she would have to redo them (while Myffy was still fussing over her work) but I would help her with her letters.

As soon as I said it I realised that this was entirely wrong. However by this stage also Moran was past the period of being able to cope with it. I immediately said lets take a break and go out side but she was not able to adjust.

Our poor little darling just kept crying and repeating over and over that she didn't want a break and that she didn't know what I wanted her to do.

At this point I sent her to her room to try and get her to settle down.... not a happening thing. So I went up with her, while she was screaming still.

I laid down on her bed with her wrapped her up in a giant Mummy cuddle, which she returned, and then we spent a good deal of time snuggling and cuddling, Oh, and napping too.

When she was ready to get up we got up together had lunch and spent the afternoon doing our regular routine.

BUT the way Moran responded to what I had to say was so different. She was so sweet and caring, and told me she wanted to do her work tomorrow really well.
I really cant explain her change in attitude, not from anything I said or did to change her, but from me taking the time to cuddle and just BE with her.

How I know I undervalue this with the children. I know it makes a difference but the time to actually do this is sometimes not ever quite available.

I am reminded of this great quote that I try to remember  in stressful times "When your child seems to deserve affection least, that's when they need it most"
I try to remember to be available to our children when  they are having a meltdown.
I also know that having these 'special needs children' have re focused my parenting ideas to a more gentle and compassionate way of life.

I have been considering  a post as well, I am part way through writing one on how having even 'mildly special needs children' changes me as a parent, and how I mother these special gifts.

So my sharing of how I responded to our children's obvious genuine need to be given time to adjust to a new routine, as we all need when we start something new. Is not to show how badly it was handled but to show my belief that ....love conquers all and that love shared is love returned.

Blessings to you and your homes,


Gae said...

I have transfered Lady Rose 's http://www.blogger.com/profile/15089705758596055769
comment to here where it belongs


This comment is for your post "Love Is a Beautiful Thing." I could not put my comment there because there was a picture blocking the part to the comment link.

At any rate, I just wanted to say that I felt your story was beautiful. Even though I am not a mommy yet, I learned much wisdom from your words. I have "been there," trying to make something work in order to "be on schedule," but in the process, people become irritated, and the something you were trying to make work ended-up being a "waste of time."

I also liked how you spent that precious time with your daughter by just letting her know that you cared for her and loved her. I think this inspired her to want to try her workbooks again. Maybe she realized in her little girl way that mommy does care for her.

Well, I don't want to write a book. This was truly an encouraging testimony, and I hope there will be mothers who read it and become encouraged by your words.


-Lady Rose

thank you Lady Rose

Trish said...

Gae my friend, I think you did exactly the right thing by laying down with your precious girl.
She needed to feel close and safe.
Change is hard at any age, especially if you need routine to keep emotionally well, and if you are a sensitive soul.
My youngest son (now 23) has anxiety and depression issues and tries to balance the quest for new things with his need for the familiar. At times too much stress just undoes him for a while, though he is getting better coping skills as he matures now.
I understand a little about having a child who is 'challenged' in certain ways.
Your sweet daughter obviously wishes to please you, bless her heart!
You are a wise and gentle mother and she is blessed to have you to snuggle up with :-)
Love is beautiful-you're so right!
God bless you Gae.
ps. thanks for your comment about my background-it was very helpful to me :-)

Anonymous said...

Dear Gae,

How many times have I rushed through the days schooling just so that I can mark it done on my schedule? Too many to count.

It is in these moments that Our Lord shows His Grace to us...through our children.

I pray that today will be a better day for your precious littles as well as for you.

Blessings in His Name,


Nadja said...

I love the new look, Gae!

Yes, often tenderness and love conquer a difficult situation with kids. I had to develop the habit of asking my temperamental toddlers, "Do you want a time-out or a hug?" Usually it was the hug, and we both felt better afterwards.

rox said...

Gae this truly is a beautiful post
I love the new header and I really really like the colour of the light beigy tan because I can really see the font well with my poor eyes ☺
there is a problem with the pictures though when I just go to your blog in general and read a couple posts if I then wish to post a comment it is like the first picture from the next post blocks the commet link so I cannot click on it . I figured out I can comment by clicking on the individual post and then comment link is accessible .
I don't know why that happens , if it is my computer ? I am not a techy at all so haven't a clue .
I would love to know what your leneten plans are !
I am looking for reading for more older kids because ours are now 10 & 15 yrs .if you have ideas for older kids please please post ☺
I can hardly wait to write more letters & look forward to recieving them too ;-)


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